Who Needs Romeo When You Have Harry Potter?
by Mitsuki2185
Summary: "Oh Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou-  BLOODY HELL POTTER! GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE NOW!" It's Romeo & Juliet like you've never seen before. Very loosely based off of Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet. Harry/Draco
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and characters are owned by J.K. Rowling and Romeo & Juliet is courtesy of William Shakespeare or possibly Edward de Vere or whoever it is you want to believe wrote it. I don't care, it was beautiful and let's leave it at that.

A/N: I've been playing around with the idea of writing this fanfic for a couple months now and I finally decided to put it on paper…I mean Microsoft Word. Anyways, I really like Romeo & Juliet, but I really disliked the way that the characters were really two-dimensional and were the same inside and out. So I've taken Romeo & Juliet and have added new characters with more emotional depth and the story is going to take place over a longer span of time than the original five days and is going to span the real original nine months (it took nine months in the story that Romeo & Juliet was based off of). Anyways, I'm rambling now, so without further ado…

**Prologue**

"Two households, both alike in dignity

(In fair Verona, where we lay our scene),

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes

A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life,

Whose misadventured piteous overthrows

Doth with their death bury their parents' strife.

The fearful passage of their death-marked love

And the continuance of their parents' rage,

Which, but their children's end, naught could remove,

Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage—

The which, if you with patient ears attend,

What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend."

"Is it just me or do Dumbledore's speeches get weirder and weirder every year?" Ron whispered to Harry.

"Honestly Ron, he was reciting the prologue from Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet. Even though Shakespeare was a muggle, his plays are still quite famous in the wizarding world. Leave it to you to not know anything about Shakespeare."

"Well I'm sorry if I don't spend all my time reading some dead bloke's poetry." muttered Ron.

"Well you should," stated Hermione matter-of-factly, "because I know for a fact that Professor Dumbledore is arranging a school play to take place a week after Christmas break. It'll be the first school play Hogwarts has ever seen and I for one think that it will be a great opportunity to introduce muggle culture into a society that-"

"Harry, are you going to sign up for the play?" asked Ron, ignoring Hermione's ramblings.

Hermione sent a glare to Ron, but offered her opinion on the matter, "Yeah Harry, are you? It'll be a great experience and if all three of us join, it'll give us a chance to spend more time together."

"Oh yes, because we don't spend nearly enough time together. Only like all the time every day." added Ron sarcastically.

"Shut up Ron, you know what I mean." retorted Hermione.

"Well, I don't know guys…" spoke Harry hesitantly when the two finally stopped their bickering and turned to him, awaiting his answer, "acting isn't really my thing."

"But Harry, theatre isn't all about acting. If you don't feel comfortable with acting, you could always work backstage or something. It doesn't matter what we're doing as long as we're all doing it together." beamed Hermione.

"Yeah, mate. I'm not much of an actor myself either. We could both work backstage or something." suggested Ron.

"…alright." sighed Harry, "I could use something to keep my mind off of the whole Voldemort-trying-to-kill-me thing that happens every year. Besides, unlike Voldemort, a little theatre won't kill me. Right?"

A/N: Oh Harry, you should have learned by now. Anything you do is life-endangering. Next chapter will appear whenever I feel like it. It may be tomorrow…or in a couple months.


	2. Act 1, Scene 1

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Finally updated. My summer has been a bit of a bummer, so now instead of reading fanfiction I'm going to update my own.

A few things, this is going to take place during 5th year. The only reason why is because I wanted to include Fred and George. This fic also pays no attention to anything that happened 5th year or afterwards, although there are characters that aren't introduced until the 6th or 7th books, but they've always been there, so I've included them.

**Act 1, Scene 1**

"Gregory, on my word, we'll not carry coals."

"What?" asked Goyle.

"I don't know." responded Crabbe a bit dazedly.

Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe were currently making their way down a crowded hallway to the Great Hall for breakfast as they did everyday. But today they were walking without the rest of the usual Slytherin crew, which was highly unusual because everyone in Slytherin knew better than to leave Greg and Vince by themselves.

"But what I'm saying is that we can't let those Gryffindorks humiliate us!" continued Vince punching the air to get his point across.

"Yeah yeah, calm yo tits Vince. Me hungry man, me eat first." grumbled Greg.

"I swear, the next Gryffindork I see, Imma punch their face in so hard that...here they come! Greg, this is our chance!"

Vince was practically bursting with excitement. Greg simply rolled his eyes.

"I'm staying right here. Draco said that if we get in another fight we might get suspended." Greg pouted, arms crossed and feet planted firmly on the floor.

"Who cares about getting suspended! We need to defend our honor!"

"But he also said that he wouldn't share his sweets with us anymore."

"...good point. Best to avoid trouble then."

"Yea-oomph!" started Greg as someone crashed into him.

"Oi, watch where yer goin'!" shouted a thick Irish accent from somewhere near Greg's feet.

Greg looked down upon Seamus Finnigan sprawled on the ground and swearing while making obscene gestures at Greg and Vince as Dean Thomas helped him to his feet.

"Are yeh tryin' to start something?" asked Seamus shoving Greg back where his shoulders would be if Greg were a normal height.

"No. Are you?" asked Greg shoving him back.

"Well maybe I am!" shouted Seamus as he dove towards Greg's midsection, trying to tackle the large brute.

Chaos ensued as Dean and Vince jumped in on the action as did a few passing Gryffindors and Slytherins.

It was Hermione Granger that broke up the fight by threatening to take away house points.

"Abusing your prefect privileges, I see." accused Theodore Nott as he arrived on the scene to see Hermione deducting house points from Slytherin.

"Either help me out or stay out of this Nott!"

"Like hell I'm going to do anything you tell me!"

"Students! Cease this fracas at once!" cried Professor McGonagall appearing on the scene.

"WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HERE?" bellowed Professor Snape as he glided through the shadows.

"Indeed! Miss Granger, would you please enlighten us on the situation at hand?" inquired Professor McGonagall turning to Hermione for full details.

"Of course, you would rather listen to a Gryffindor sob story than hear what really happened." muttered Theo.

"I assure you Mr. Nott that I will take into account everyone's side of the story."

"Yes, but everyone knows that you'll side with the Gryffindors, Minerva. You always do." pointed out Snape.

"Oh, as if you don't always side with the Slytherins, Severus!"

"Well at least I'm willing to admit it rather than put up a pretense of fairness and neutrality."

"Why you-!"

"Enough!" boomed Albus Dumbledore's voice impressively and without the aid of a sonorous charm.

"Severus, Minerva, you are teachers and role models. It is time that you act as such. These petty squabbles are creating discord within the school and promoting a rift between houses, Gryffindor and Slytherin houses specifically."

"In your face Severus," whispered Professor McGonagall, "he said Gryffindor first."

Professor Snape stuck out his tongue and Professor McGonagall discreetly stomped on his foot. Although all of this was carried out in a very covert manner, Dumbledore glared at them as if he knew exactly what had happened. And he probably did.

"As I was saying," continued Headmaster Dumbledore, "this is the third time this year that something like this has happened-"

"That's not so bad." pointed out Professor Snape.

"Today is the second day of school."

"..."

"So as a solution to this problem, I have decided that the Slytherins and Gryffindors..." Dumbledore paused as Snape gave McGonagall a smug smirk, "will work on the play together to promote interhouse unity and you two," Dumbledore took the time to gesture at the witch and wizard, "will be co-directing it."

There was a moment of silence before the whole hallway exploded into protests and complaints, Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape's protests being the loudest.

xXxXxX**1 Week Later**XxXxXx

"Miss Granger, a word before you go." called Professor McGonagall.

"Yes, Professor?"

"I've been worried about the welfare of Mr. Potter. He didn't show up for class today and I believe that earlier I saw him banging his head on a wall muttering 'Angst. Angst. Angst.' over and over again."

"Yes, he has been quite angsty and pubescent lately hasn't he?" Hermione bit her lip, "I took a walk to clear my head this morning and I saw him sitting in the Astronomy Tower, but when I waved to him, he ignored me. I think that he might have been crying."

"Yes, a couple other students told me that they saw Mr. Potter in the Astronomy Tower as well. And I have heard that he frequently locks himself in the boys' dormitory and refuses to come out. Is this true?"

"I'm afraid so, Professor."

"I hope that you and Mr. Weasley can get to the bottom of his puzzling state and pull him out of this stupor. Well, that is all Miss Granger. You may go now."

On her way out, Hermione bumped into Harry.

"Oh, there you are Harry. Professor McGonagall has been asking about you."

"Were you talking to her just now?"

"Yeah. Harry, what's wrong?" asked Hermione taking in Harry's haggard appearance.

His hair, although always messy, was even messier than usual. His eyes were puffy and rimmed with dark circles and his clothes hung unflatteringly from slouched shoulders.

Harry breathed a soul-shattering sigh before answering, "It's Ginny."

"Ginny?"

"She's with gotten back together with Dean. But I thought that she loved me. Who knew love could be so fickle."

"Oh, cheer up Harry. I'm sorry that it didn't work out between you and Ginny, but that doesn't mean that you should spend all your time moping around. There are plenty of other girls and sure enough, you'll forget all about Ginny, in a romantic sense that is."

"I don't think I can forget."

"Well, I'll help you. I promise. Ron and I will both help you find someone new to love. Or die trying."

xXxXxX**2 Weeks Later**XxXxXx

Romeo & Juliet

Casting

Romeo Montague- Zacharias Smith

Juliet Capulet- Hannah Abbot

Friar Lawrence- Neville Longbottom

Mercutio- Blaise Zabini

The Nurse- Hermione Granger

Tybalt- Ronald Weasley

Capulet- Justin Finch-Fletchly

Lady Capulet- Pansy Parkinson

Montague- Seamus Finnigan

Lady Montague- Daphne Greengrass

Paris- Ginevra Weasley

Benvolio- Theodore Nott

Prince Escalus- Terry Boot

Friar John- Anthony Goldstein

Balthasar- Colin Creevey

Sampson- Fred Weasley

Gregory- George Weasley

Abraham- Vincent Crabbe

Apothecary- Millicent Bullstrode

Peter- Gregory Goyle

Chorus- Cho Chang

Lavendar Brown

Padma Patil

Pavarti Patil

Astoria Greengrass

Stage Crew- Susan Bones

Ernie Macmillan

Benjamin McEwan

Heidi Macavoy

Harry Potter

Draco Malfoy

"STAGE CREW?" screeched Draco Malfoy, "Pansy, dear, I'm feeling faint."

"Oh Dray, stop being such a drama queen." Pansy Parkinson said as she suddenly found herself with an armful of Draco Malfoy, the back of his hand pressed to his forehead like a damsel in distress.

Pansy rolled her eyes at his theatrics and pushed Draco back to his feet in the direction of Blaise Zabini.

"Blaise! They put me on stage crew!" wailed Draco, fisting Blaise's robes as he cried on his shoulder, "Me! On stage crew! With POTTER and a bunch of SNUFFLYPUFFS!"

"Hufflepuffs." corrected Blaise.

"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?"

"And he wonders why he didn't get a part." snorted Pansy.

"It's okay Draco." comforted Greg, placing a meaty hand on Draco's back awkwardly.

"Oh God! Even Vince and Greg got parts!" Draco's wailing grew louder.

x

"We'll go find Professor McGonagall and tell her that we want to be on stage crew."

"No, 'Mione. It's okay, it's not like we won't see each other at practice and stuff. I told you guys that acting isn't really my thing."

"That's an understatement." snorted Ron, "No offense mate, but I thought you were being modest when you said that."

"Ron!"

"No, it's true. I was pretty terrible wasn't I?"

"Yup!" was the common room's unanimous response.

x

"Oh god! Potter's acting was absolutely abysmal! Horrendous really!" snickered a very inebriated Snape.

"Aaaahhhaaahahahahahahah! And Mr. Malfoy!" cackled an equally drunk McGonagall, "He was just too much!"

"Yeah, what the devil is a 'Pigfarts'?"

"Pig farts pig farts here I come!" mimicked McGonagall. The two burst into laughter.

"And Potter, 'I-I...uh...s-sorry, w-what am I s-supposed to say?' He would have been perfect for the part if he were auditioning for the role of Professor Quirrel!"

"Bahahahahahahaha! Heh...hee...heh...whew! S-severus, stop! My sides are killing me!"

"Pffft! Potter! He was the worst actor I've ever seen!"

"Mr. Potter? Mr. Malfoy was by far the worst!"

"Puh-lease, Minerva, Potter was way worserer than Draco. At least Draco talked!"

"Well at least Mr. Potter did not make a fool out of himself by rolling around on the floor!"

"I would bet you my entire Chocolate Frog Cards collection that Draco can act a **bajillion** times better than Potter ever could." proclaimed Snape, waving his arm in the air for emphasis.

"You're on, Sev'rus!"

xXxXxXx**The Next Day**xXxXx

ATTENTION: CASTING CHANGE

Zacharias Smith and Hannah Abbot will now be in stage crew

Also, Romeo will be played by Harry Potter.

Oh yeah, and Juliet will be played by Draco Malfoy.

**To Be Continued**

A/N: As you may have noticed, in the play, no one plays the character they're portrayed as in the fanfic, with the exception being Harry and Draco. In case you were wondering, this is what I have in mind for who is actually who:

Romeo- Harry Potter

Juliet- Draco Malfoy

Friar Lawrence- Fred and George Weasley

Mercutio- Ron Weasley

The Nurse- Blaise Zabini

Tybalt- Theodore Nott

Capulet- Severus Snape

Montague- Minerva McGonagall

Paris- Pansy Parkinson or Astoria Greengrass

Benvolio- Hermione Granger

Prince Escalus- Albus Dumbledore

Friar John- Dean Thomas

Balthasar- Neville Longbottom

Sampson and Gregory- Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle

Abraham- Seamus Finnigan

Apothecary- ?

Peter- Colin Creevey

Rosaline- Ginny Weasley

So tell me what you think : )

Until next time!


End file.
